Orlando’s


Thankfully, my high school reputation is behind me, no pun intended. Acting out of character is what most high schoolers do from time to time on the way to finding themselves, I guess you could say I wasn’t above the crowd.

Comments from the male community at my school fueled this one. I was known as ‘ghetto booty’ and was once told ‘you have an unusually large butt for your body size.’ The latter comment caused several image issues later on, but overall I still count this as an awesome thing. So when I was out with a rather large group of friends at the only sub-18 club on the far side of town (Orlando’s) and a contest was proposed, I was sucked in. We happened to be there on the ‘Best Butt Contest’ night, and I had too many friends that wouldn’t let me off the hook. Did I want to compete? No, and I tried my hardest to avoid it. But if I’m going to compete, I compete hard.
There were about 40 of us out there. I really shouldn’t group myself with ‘us.’ I think I can safely say most of the women were on their way to the big leagues–barely dressed and barely coherent. Let the gyrations begin. I tried to stay towards the back- away from the seated judges (awkward). By some crazy act, I was still standing at 10…..9….8….5 girls. The girl next to me pulled her pants down (what?!) and was escorted out. I stopped my mad moves for just long enough to realize that there were only two of us. Oh my gosh. I won. Granted, my pants were pretty tight, but at least they were on.
Prized with a $20 discount for another club visit and a complete loss of dignity, I tried to forget about the whole thing. Then there was Monday and everyone at school knew what happened. As much as I tried to stifle this information from those who shouldn’t know, it didn’t work.
One Sunday morning I came back from church and my mom was in the kitchen–irritated and banging around kitchenware. She had gone through my yearbook and, amongst other things, found out that I had participated in a trashy contest. This was also the same instance when she figured I must have been sharing my body parts with others based off of a certain crass term affectionately used in reference to redheads.
I assured her I only shook my tail feathers, I didn’t start a ‘fire.’

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