24 Wedding Hours

While trying to distract myself from the incidents listed on my previous post, the show had to go on. So on Friday (the day before the ceremony), I decided to get up early and take a local yoga class, which turned out to be much like the longest journey I’ve ever taken to touch my toes, all hairdo’s and potential sweat still intact. I get to the church rehearsal, where an elderly couple is running the show and we discover that their lapel microphones make it easier to hear them from inside the church instead of the sanctuary, where we are standing. My friends are instructed to walk down the aisle and bow in front of the alter, which is something we’re not used to doing at a wedding- anyone? One girl walks down and is chastised for ‘over-bowing.’ The next is Jewish and isn’t having it. This is hysterical. I seriously have the United Colors of Benetton in my bridal party.
We finish up the routine that no one really remembers for the next evening and head off to the rehearsal dinner. My father’s toast resembles a small roasting and includes a few incidences from my past in regards to driving, a solitary butt-judging contest, and the like. My uncle opens his bachelor-pad styled home up for every guy in the room, including Cuban cigars, a heated pool, an indoor movie-theater, and the most notable- a urinal. This led to a team of straggling men the next day (including my husband).
I wake up on the day of my wedding (literally) to meet the Videographer at my doorstep to take my last run as a single girl. And while I hadn’t thought this through, I assumed it would be a shoe-tie up/running away clip. As I was huffing and puffing, there were a few drive-by’s with video in hand and a few urgent drop and runs to capture about the first seven minutes of my run- and all I wanted to do was slouch. I definitely stirred up a few local ladies’ morning walks.
I get back and shower in time to find out that I am no longer allowed to read the vows I spent over seven and a half hours working on, with little to no explanation behind it. In conjunction with all the other stresses of the week, I finally snap and bawl…forgetting that all my bridesmaids and Videographer were arriving at the same time.
I have to jet over to the mall to get my makeup done for ‘prom.’ With 9 proms in the area on the exact same day (which limited my venue selection months prior), I was the oldest girl getting my makeup done. I kept exclaiming things like ‘I am so glad I asked Bobby!’ etc…and my pregnant sidekick worked wonderfully for our Videographers filming of ‘Sixteen & Pregnant.’ She refused to comply with my begging her to try and find a prom dress upstairs with her ‘situation.’
It pours all day long.
The lady at the church keeps wondering when I’m going to get dressed–it’s already after six pm. Five people show up for my pre-wedding prayer, which was at one point a pivotal event. I force myself into my dress at 6:21 pm and sneak around to the front of the church under an umbrella so that the lady will not see me. She doesn’t and I get away bare-shouldered! Luke ‘toots his horn’ for Trumpet Voluntary, and I walk in. I see my groom and I’ve never been more excited in my life–and then he takes a step backwards. Something in the magical moment literally moved him- one step backwards. It’s fine, he didn’t run and neither did I, which is officially the second victory of the day.
More to come…

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