Exposures

Without fail, my mother watches the ten o’clock news every night in her bedroom. She is either already horizontal or running around the room frantically trying to floss her teeth at the commercial breaks. My dad, he’s usually beside her with a laptop.

Overland Park, Kansas does not pride itself on boast-worthy news. Aside from the expected announcements about heat waves, student-teacher violations, pets returned to their owners, and the annual ‘charting of Santa,’ local news doesn’t exactly blow the pants off of anyone watching. That is, unless, the pants are literally off of someone.

For whatever reason, be it that we have more weirdos OR that there is less newsworthy coverage in the local network, exposures tend to show up on a semi-regular basis. If you live in a town like New York, you probably don’t even know this term. Who in their right mind would report an ‘exposure’ on the news when there are gang murders, subway explosions, or a Jonas Brothers concert to discuss. Besides, in my opinion, it would only be considered an exposure if it were something that literally had to be unleashed in front of me–not already chilling out all day in the Big Apple.

My dad loves this. He may not hear much of the news, but he’s all ears when it comes to this devious act. “Today, on the corner of Mission and 179th street, a man was spotted wearing a trench coat. Passerby’s claimed….” When my mother thinks it’s weird my father finds such intrigue in this, he threatens that perhaps she will see him on the news for the very same feat (I’m having flashbacks to his proclaiming of ‘if you don’t let these girls walk down the aisle bare-shouldered, I’ll drop trou!’ for the wedding ceremonies).

But really, what is is with these people? I was moving into college my freshman year with my mother, and we were running a few last-minute errands in our (vintage) gold Honda Odyssey. A man in a red civic sped by us on the right, and then continued to linger close to our car. He was leaning back so far in his seat staring at us that his head was actually looking out the back window. Our confusion was cleared up momentarily when he bucked his body upwards to display his hot dog. I’ll never forget that. All my mom was trying to do was move me in to my Christian school, and I was getting raw anatomy at it’s finest.

I suppose in a strange way I can understand the flashers a bit. Maybe it’s a rush? Maybe it’s doing something wrong and thinking you won’t get caught? Maybe it’s the reaction (this would def be my motivation if I were into it)? I think that if someone did this to me whilst in a trench coat on the street, I would give them a run for their money. I am not above reciprocating this act, especially if it provides some viewer-friendly ratings from the citizens of Overland Park, KS.

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