Lent

Ah, Lent. It’s a season that always sneaks up and bites me in the behind. Memories of Christmas are still hanging on in my rearview when I realize {bam!} It’s over, girlfriend.

The precious girls in brown and green vests outside of my local grocery store selling boxes of cookies for $3.50 a pop are what signal a change in tide. The Girl Scouts have an uncanny sense of irony…always showing up mysteriously before Lent, when I’m swearing them off for the impending 40 days ahead. Instead, I usually purchase two cases to stash in my freezer for cheating spells (Sundays) and after Easter.

Mom always taught me to take Lent seriously. “Think about something that really matters to you to give up,” she’d say. And she meant it.

When I was in Kindergarten, I gave up my bed. I slept in a Little Mermaid sleeping bag on the floor along with my brother, who joined in for the entire “experience.” It just so happened that we experienced a California earthquake during that jaunt, forcing me to believe that sleeping on the safety of the floor was my destiny. Now, if you’re coming for my bed, you’re coming for me.

When I was in high school, I gave up sweets. Desperate and stupid, I began pouring sugar into my water bottles just to get by. I looked like a crack user, but all be darned, I hadn’t actually listed ‘sugar’ on my list of no-no’s, only cake, cookies, candy and chocolate. I would later be tested for diabetes because my tongue and lips go numb when I don’t get enough sugar.

In NYC, I gave up sweets, trading them for four packets of fruit snacks and about 5 rice krispies a day.

Last year, I gave up limitless desserts a day. In order to survive this 40 day stretch, I only allowed myself to eat two servings of desserts a day. I know, I know #firstworldproblems, but it was the hardest Lent yet. Have you ever tried eating just two cookies? Or just one piece of cake? Or worse- sharing a dessert?

As I am sitting here typing this very moment, I have just finished off an entire ream of shortbread Girl Scout cookies, something to the tune of ten servings. And yet, I consider myself lucky to have broken the whole “pint of ice cream a day” stunt.

This year, my mom suggested I “pick something I can actually do.”

So, I’m still thinking on it. But I think I’ve ruled out the Girl Scout cookies.

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