Potty Break

I just celebrated my two year anniversary. And while any milestone of this nature usually drives one to reflect back on the fabulous memories they’ve created with their spouse, I take it a step further. How about the memories I created without my spouse…before my spouse? I argue that there’s more merit here. If anyone’s heard the famous “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth, yo comprendo.

One such memory hit me today as I was standing out front of my parents home in a quaint Kansas neighborhood. It was my sophomore year of high school, and I had the hots for this soccer-playing, blond-haired stud who was two years older than me and leagues outside of my cool factor. He was the crown jewel at a local mega church, where we met when I had been courted to join in their youth movement (which lasted all of about 8 weeks because I was tired of hearing only about “hell.”) Somehow I made it onto his radar. I like to think it wasn’t an exorbitant amount of flirting.
He invited me to go to the pool with him, a place where only classy guys invite girls on the first date. I paced downstairs, trying to stand statue still while raising the wood blinds a hairline fracture at a time to see if he had come yet. Finally, I saw his car pull in the drive. I rushed back into the other room to hide, awaiting my older and suave date to escort me to the car. But he didn’t come. A minute or two went by and I thought, perhaps he doesn’t know if this is where I live? I grabbed my towel and walked out front.
His car was there and running, but he wasn’t. I stood perplexed. A moment later, he came walking around from the side of our house. I tried to look cool; I was confused. 
“Sorry,”he said flippantly, “had to pee.”

Unbelievably, I got in the car. This culprit had just urinated on the side of my housing establishment in broad daylight.
At the pool, I cautiously embarked on conversation while getting ready to get into the pool. He surveyed me in swimwear and boldly announced, “your butt is unusually large for your body size.”
And to think, how things might have been different with that guy.
Happy Anniversary!

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