How Did I Get Here?

And here it is; my proverbial “pink slip.” Actually, I think I would have rather been handed a pink slip. People can look for new jobs, but they absolutely cannot undo what is about to be done…eek!

I can’t help but think with all the modern branding and euphemism’s for things that are pretty awful, that they couldn’t have worked out a more enthusiastic way to say this.

For starters, as I learned with one of my non-pregnant friends, “ripening” sounds far too much like “rip-ening,” which was how she read it back to me when I  handed her the sheet. “No, I assured her, that starts on Wednesday…on Tuesday, we “ripen.”

Then there’s the sorry blackened pictures of a stork holding a bag about as far from their body as they can, which showcases ( I assume) a deformed baby storks head, affirming the fact that, yes, my baby will probably also be ugly or misshapen because these things do happen. Though I ‘m hoping I won’t hold my package so far away from me? It looks like the classic resentment of the new babe because they just ruined their mothers body. Mercy!

Lastly, the most irksome part has to be, “GOOD LUCK!!” The all caps and double exclamation points insinuate that this feat of nature may or may not just be guided by the stars. Don’t worry, you’re not coming to one of the top delivery hospitals with all of our bells and whistles to ensure you not only live, you love this experience, you are coming to roll your own dice in a war against pain, death, or life. GOOD LUCK!!

With only four days left, perhaps it’s time to invest in a value pack of tarot cards.

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